Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
