I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
