I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
