"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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