i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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