Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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