I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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