I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
