What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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