I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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