Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
