im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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