THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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