i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
