I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
