Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
