Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
