so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize