You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
