So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize