so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
