I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
