what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
