you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
