Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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