can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
