I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
