Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
