What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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