I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize