i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize