so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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