she looked like the before picture.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Are we still banned from the library?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
