that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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