The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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