STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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