the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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