Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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