on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
