I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
