I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
cat food counts as protein by the way
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize