We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
