We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
