is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
