And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
