I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
