There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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