I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize