i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
