I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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