You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
