I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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