I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
