hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
