wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
