Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
