god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
