So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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