I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
