OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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