dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
