i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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