yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
