Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
