you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
