So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize