If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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