If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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