talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
