make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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