we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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