I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
