i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got inside last night via doggy door
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
