Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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