That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
