i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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