If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
