Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
